Aslam Levy » Funny http://aslamlevy.co.za eMarketer for City and Self Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:37:52 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 Where cursors come fromhttp://aslamlevy.co.za/where-cursors-come-from/ http://aslamlevy.co.za/where-cursors-come-from/#comments Thu, 20 May 2010 13:16:43 +0000 aslam http://aslamlevy.co.za/?p=553 Where cursors come from are made

Now you know…   :)

]]> http://aslamlevy.co.za/where-cursors-come-from/feed/ 0 Hoe om ‘n Haai aanval te voorkomhttp://aslamlevy.co.za/haai/ http://aslamlevy.co.za/haai/#comments Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:46:50 +0000 aslam http://aslamlevy.co.za/?p=428 Hoe om ‘n Haai aanval te voorkom:

1. Moenie in die see swem nie.
Meer as 99% van alle haaiaanvalle gebeur in groot watermassas, ook bekend as oseane.
Die manier om vas te stel of jy in ‘n oseaan is, is om die water te proe. Dit behoort sout te smaak.

2. Swem saam met vet mense.
Sorg altyd dat daar groot, vet mense saam jou in die water is. Die kanse dat jy vinniger as hulle kan swem en wegkom is baie goed.

3. Dokter die sonblok.
Om jou kanse op ‘n aanval verder te verklein, vervang die ander se sonbrandmiddel met iets wat na gebraaide biefstuk ruik.

4. Moenie in die water gaan sonder ‘n mes nie.
Dis sodat jy die swemmer naaste aan jou kan steek as jy ‘n haai gewaar. Sodra hy lekker bloei, swem so vinnig weg as wat jy kan

5. Luister noukeurig!
Elke Haai het ‘n Theme Song – As jy dié volgende hoor, swem vir jou lewe:
da-dam. da-dam. da-dam As dit so klink: dadam, dadam, dadam – dan is jy klaar in jou moer.

6. Moenie paniekerig raak nie.
Bly kalm as ‘n haai jou byt. Jy is in elk geval in jou moer in en dit sal nie help jy probeer oorleef nie.
Die mense op die strand sal dit waardeer want om iemand soos ‘n mal mens te hoor skreeu en gil, is nie lekker nie.
Dink aan die kinders man!

]]> http://aslamlevy.co.za/haai/feed/ 0 Guide to Moffie (Gay) Slanghttp://aslamlevy.co.za/guide-to-moffie-gay-slang/ http://aslamlevy.co.za/guide-to-moffie-gay-slang/#comments Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:28:30 +0000 aslam http://aslamlevy.co.za/?p=389 Cape Town is generally regarded as the Gay Capital of South Africa. I spoke about it in the Gay Tourism article here.

So, inform yourself and learn a few words from this unofficial 12th language

THE GAYLE

Ursula: Understand / Know

Bag: Man / Boyfriend

Gerty: Girl / Woman

Fish/Vis: same as above

Wendy: White

Chlora: Coloured

Natalie: Black

Indera: Indian

Molly: Muslim

Nancy: No

Sheila: Shit

Gayle: Talk / Praat

Beaulah: Beautiful

Lol: Hair

Lana: Penis

Puzzy/Pan: Vagina

Timas: Breast

Fatima: Fat

Mirinda: Skinny / Maar / Thin

Dorah: Drink

Naomi: Name / Naam

Cindy: Child / small

Monica/Clock: Money / Geld

Norah: Angry / Kwaad

Knit / Anita: To have sex

Sally: Oral sex

Hazels: Bums

Stina: Stink

Deborah: Dead / die

Mockery: Trouble

Wandi: Work

Kelly: Cold

Sonja: Sun

Ragmat: Rain

Willimena: Wind

Barbara: Scared / Bang

Linda: Lie

Boris: Boring

Tilla: Toilet

Pearl: Pee

Glamour: Glass

Paula: Posh

Tanyas: Teeth

Dial: Face

Gala: Sleep

Dinah/Dianna: Hit / Slaan / Moer

Jessica: Horny / Jars

Pram / Cab: Car

Tracey-ann: Train

Taxmina:taxi

Lodge: House

Mince / Miena: To go / walk etc.

Drag: Dress

Aunty Aaida: AIDS

Aunty Daphne: Deaf

Carla: Look / see etc

Patsy: Party

Trudy: Tired / moeg

Mitsy: Klein / min

Ronda: Run

Handles: Hands

Peddles: Feet

Bodis: Body

Maggie/Magdalene: Stomach

Olga’s: Eyes

Sillah: Cigarette

Donovan: Dark

Poozies: Shoes

Priscilla: Police

Chapel: Church

Erikah Badu: Erect

Steamer: Prostitute

Mavis / Mable: Moffie

Clutch bag: Married man

Mariah Carey: Virgin

Hannah: Food

Besta: Buy

Bettys: Beers

Letitia: Lesbian

Freda / Frasier times: Vry / Kiss

Lulu: Laugh

Blossom: Blow hair

Carmelita: come

Tamia / Tammy: Time

Polyester: Poep / Fart

Dominique: Dom / Dumb

Tyra Banks: TB

Hester: Hear

Catherine: Cat

Dogerina: Dog

Peggy-Sue Khumalo: Pregnant

Mildred / Milly: Mad / Mal

Connie: Condom

Olive: Oulik / Cute

Hilda: Hideous

Grazelda: Vast Sheila

Fietna: Skinder/gossip

PS. As a straight guy thinking back on conversations I’ve overheard it’s quite interesting in hindsight.
-A-

]]> http://aslamlevy.co.za/guide-to-moffie-gay-slang/feed/ 1 Wikus van der Merve – A new meme is bornhttp://aslamlevy.co.za/wikus-van-der-merve-a-new-meme-is-born/ http://aslamlevy.co.za/wikus-van-der-merve-a-new-meme-is-born/#comments Wed, 02 Sep 2009 10:53:11 +0000 aslam http://aslamlevy.co.za/?p=273 After enjoying the awesomeness that is District 9 I was expecting more bloggers to post and tweet about it.
A new site www.wikus.co.za kicks off the craze with images like the one below. Watch out Vernon Koekemoer, here comes Wikus van der Merve.
Thanks to Baldricman and Stii for the link

hahahahah

hahahahah

Now we await the Wikus Vs Koekemoer pics.
-A-

]]> http://aslamlevy.co.za/wikus-van-der-merve-a-new-meme-is-born/feed/ 0 Raising a baby – Instruction Manual for new parentshttp://aslamlevy.co.za/raising-a-baby-instuction-manual-for-new-parents/ http://aslamlevy.co.za/raising-a-baby-instuction-manual-for-new-parents/#comments Thu, 20 Aug 2009 10:43:28 +0000 aslam http://aslamlevy.co.za/?p=173 Thanks to Mike for this hilarious email I just had to share.
For all the soon to be Mommys and Daddys please take note :D

Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)
Baby image001 (23)

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